Every Child Has A Dream

It is almost time to celebrate some of our favorite holidays, so I figured it was time to post an update!  The longer we are home, the less details I feel comfortable sharing, so the blog has obviously suffered, but I do still desire to keep posting.  :)

Things have been rolling along here.  We are several months into our school year, the baby is eager to start crawling (we are even more eager for her to sleep through the night!  Ha!), and we are looking forward to some of our favorite foods at holiday dinners!  Yum!

Little Man has been doing fairly well over the last few months.  He has adjusted well to having a baby in the house and is working hard on his schooling.  His favorite foods are still pizza, salsa, and macaroni.  In fact, if he could eat those three things for every meal for the rest of his life, I don't think I'd ever hear a peep out of him!  He also loves his toy cars and watching movies.  Little Sister is probably more amused by him than anyone else in the house.  He can get her laughing in no time and he loves to tell me he is babysitting her for me.  If you've ever spent time with the two of them together, you know he isn't satisfied unless he is stroking her arm or hugging her.  He loves his baby!

Now that we have been home almost two and a half years (can you believe that?!), I feel like we have finally settled into a good routine.  If you had told me three years ago that it would take this long for us to figure each other out, I would have balked at you.  "Surely we have loved him and fought for him this long, we will go through a transition period and then all will be well!"  Oh how I laugh at my pre-adoption self.  I could never have imagined how deep the veins of trauma run or how fear courses through his body, triggered by the smallest incidents.  One of the things that is so interesting for me is to see how others perceive his behavior and emotional state.  The hubs and I can look at him and almost see a checklist of how he is processing things, knowing he is swimming in fear or anxiety, while someone else can say, "Oh look how happy he is right now!"  I'm sure all parents can do this with their children, as we can also do the same for Big and Little Sister (ever look at your kid and just KNOW a meltdown/joy/sadness/etc. is coming?), but it is far more noticeable in our minds with him because his outward expression is often the exact opposite of his internal state.  While our friends know how to best relate to him, strangers and acquaintances often unknowingly send him into a spiral, asking for hugs and saying he's so cute they'd like to "take him home", and a host of other interactions with typical families that now cause me to inwardly cringe. 

We have learned how to navigate his triggers (when we can predict them) and handle the fallout afterward.  Another thing that has been different from my pre-adoption mindset is how long trauma lasts in the heart of a young child.  All the experts warned us that early childhood trauma has long lasting, and many times permanent, effects on a child, but seeing it played out is far different then reading it in a book.  For example, we know holidays (and any family gathering, no matter how short) are a HUGE trigger for him.  Because the winter holidays fall so close together each year, he doesn't have time to recover between each one before the next begins. It typically takes us into February before we can get him regulated back into a consistent emotional state. 

Physically, he is doing well.  He has not grown much, but he has not lost any weight either- we are happy about that!  Actually, in recent weeks, he tested positive for an infection that he has had since his time in the orphanage, so we are currently treating that.  We are hopeful that once that is taken care of, he will be able to eat and grow more easily.  He primarily uses his wheelchair, although he does ask to walk occasionally.  When we first came home we pushed and pushed for him to walk, and now we realize that a wheelchair gives him more freedom and mobility than walking ever will.  Human nature drives our desire for him to walk, I think, but we have seen and accepted that his wheelchair is a much better option for him 99% of the time.  He is faster, it doesn't cause him pain, and it is MUCH easier for him.  Now, we celebrate that he is MOBILE, because three years ago that was not going to be his future, and now he can get around almost anywhere he wants.  His legs are becoming tighter, although without the ability to do a MRI, we are unable to know if that is a result of a tethered cord.  That tightness causes him pain when he wears his braces to walk and also when wearing his sleeping braces, so it is somewhat of a cycle- it hurts, so he doesn't want to use them, which causes the tightness to continue, which makes it hurt to use his equipment. 

One thing that has been very sobering for me this fall, is thinking that he would have been transferred by now.  He wouldn't be in an orphanage, but rather an adult mental institution where he would have lived out his days strapped to a crib.  Most kids don't survive their first year after a transfer.  His life is so different now, not only compared to what his life was in the orphanage, but especially compared to what was coming with a transfer to an institution.  When we brought him home, he could only speak about 5-10 simple words in his native language.  Now, he is able to speak full sentences and carry on simple conversations.  School would have not been an option for him there, but now, he can identify some letters and sounds, count, write, color, sing songs, listen to stories, and all kinds of other things that we really take for granted daily.  Instead of spending the rest of his days forgotten in a room somewhere, he gets to play outside on the trampoline with his sister, go to birthday parties, open Christmas presents, make friends, and tell us knock-knock jokes.  When we left the orphanage, we had to provide an outfit for them to change him into, because he didn't even own the clothes on his back.  Now, there are more of his clothes and toys strewn all over his house than we can keep up with!  Sometimes when I'm stressed out at the condition of the playroom, I chuckle at what an enormous blessing this mess actually is.  Perspective, people, perspective.  We are always swamped with doctors appointments and surprise medical changes, but goodness!  He has PARENTS to drive him to loving doctors and therapists who dote on him, instead of being dropped off at a hospital all alone for necessary procedures.  This year, he actually sat down with me and helped write a Christmas wish list.  This is the same boy who for months would not even tell us if he was hungry or thirsty, because in the orphanage, those needs are not met, unless it is designated meal time.  I teared up the first time he ever asked for a drink!  The contrast of his life now to what was before often takes my breath away.  I hope I never lose that wonder. 

This holiday season, I implore you to make a difference in the life of a child.  I'm not saying that everyone is called to adopt, but there are hundreds of ways that YOU can make a real difference.  When you drop off coats and gloves at the homeless shelter, remember that there may be kids in that difficult situation- pack a toy too.  Set your Amazon account to donate to Reece's Rainbow.  Sponsor your local crisis pregnancy center.  Donate to a random family's account at a reputable adoption agency.  Offer to babysit for a foster family so mom and dad can take a short break.  Bring some crayons and coloring books to a children's hospital.  Take a soon-to-be adoptive mom out for coffee and listen as she describes her anguish in waiting for her child.  Slip some cash under the door of a single mom, or better yet, hand her the cash and offer to babysit while she takes care of some Christmas shopping.  And of course, I can't close without asking that you pray.  Pray for the children around the world who need families.  Pray that moms and dads would rise up and welcome them home.  Pray specifically about what God would have you do in regards to the orphan crisis- donate, support, pray, adopt.  Is it possible that YOUR child is lying in a crib somewhere and you don't yet know he or she exists?  How will we know if we do not ask the One who sees them?  May we all find a way this Christmas to show a child the love of a Father.  After all, every child has a dream to belong and be loved.