Little Man has been in our arms for just over 8 months now. Can you believe it? I can't. He has learned SO much in the last two or three months. We were recently at an appointment with a new doctor when he remarked, "Wow! That's amazing that they taught him English in the orphanage." We chuckled a little and said, "They didn't." He was dumbfounded that his language skills were so strong after only learning English 8 months ago.
Little Man has started attending physical therapy regularly and he seems to enjoy most of it. He can cruise in his walker without much assistance, which is amazing to me! To remember that he could barely sit unassisted a few months ago and now see him walking down the hallway is a miracle! Even in the midst of tantrums, I sometimes can just almost hear a gentle, "Take up your mat, Little Man, for I know the plans I have for you..."
We have gone through multiple transformations of our own as well. The Hubs and I see the world entirely differently than we did before the adoption. I feel like a completely new person. And I'm grateful. Three years ago, I probably didn't think I needed to evolve very much. Now I can't imagine God leaving me in that place. It is painful to grow and change, but now a welcome necessity in our home. I think the most notable change we see in ourselves is love. We love more deeply and sincerely than we did before, and it is not just the love for the four souls that reside inside our walls, but all people. We see the nations differently- not as groups separated by borders, but as individual people, stories, and hearts, all with the same need for a Perfect Love.
I think we sense the Father beckoning us again. This stage of life has settled into some kind of "normal", so of course there is another stage right on its heels. I have no idea what He has in store for our future, but I can't imagine that He intends to teach all of us lessons and not use them. Loving Him has become like a dance in my mind. He extends His holy hand. A decision must be made. Will I stand against the wall or follow Him to the dance floor? If I decline, I will simply watch as others complete the dances He destined for them. When I choose to take His hand, He gently leads me, and I must completely trust His ability to guide me. If not, I will stumble or crash into someone else's waltz. Each stage of life is like a different dance. Just when you think you have mastered the steps for the waltz, you realize the music has become a tango. But there He is. And He knows all of the steps for each dance. Yes, He has choreographed each one before time began, so we must trust that He can lead us through each step, each dip, and each turn. I think all of these dances have one subtle but mandatory thing in common: each one requires movement. You can't enter the ballroom unless you dare to move your feet. What a beautiful picture I see painted in my mind of all of His children dancing with the Father in time together! As we each dance our dance simultaneously, we work together to complete the breathtaking choreography He planned long ago.
A few days ago, I was driving the kids to a physical therapy session and the song I have fondly named "Little Man's song" came on the radio. I don't hear it played much anymore, but a lump still catches in my throat every time it comes on. For anyone reading who has not been a part of our journey since the beginning, the Hubs and I were praying about adoption and were hesitant to take that step onto the dance floor. One day, I heard Audio Adrenaline's "Kings & Queens" on the radio and I almost had to turn off the road to pull myself together.
Here is the song. Go ahead and listen to it. I'll wait:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAlE2EnUP5A&list=RDrAlE2EnUP5A&index=1
This is the part that completely wrecked me:
"Little hands, shoeless feet
Lonely eyes looking back at me
Will we leave behind the innocent to grieve?
On their own, on the run
When their lives have only begun
These could be our daughters and our sons"
I knew in that moment, I couldn't sit idle. Would I be content walking in circles for the rest of my life if it was Baby Girl who was waiting for a family? NEVER. So, what made the lives of other kids any less valuable? About three days later, the Hubs came home and with tears in his eyes said, "I heard a song on the radio. It's time." The line that got him was:
"And just like a drum
I can hear their hearts beating
I know my God won't let them be defeated
Every child has a dream to belong and beloved"
And that was the beginning of Little Man's adoption story and the birth of this blog.
Every single line of that song can still move me to tears, but I realized something a few days ago that I haven't caught before. When we were adopting, I always held onto how "when we love the least of these" they become kings and queens (princes and princesses of the Father King, if you will), wrapped in His majesty. Loving a forgotten child gives him the opportunity to hear the name of Jesus, and to one day choose to be adopted into His family.
But the next lines made me catch my breath this week.
"When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free
Shout your name in victory
When we love, when we love the least of these"
You see, this Sunday, Little Man will be able to participate in his own baby dedication- a very special event in our church where parents promise to raise their baby in a house that loves God and to teach their baby about His perfect love. There is not really any specific significance to this event; any parent could decide to raise his child this way. This is just a special way to introduce your baby to people who attend your church who may not have met him and celebrate his life.
The reason that this Sunday will be so very special for Little Man is because he is not a baby. He has grown into a wonderful little boy. We grieve that we were not able to present him as a drooling infant, because we missed those very precious moments in his life. But this will be a wonderful way for Little Man to know that his life is valuable. That he is wanted. That he is loved.
In addition to his baby dedication, Little Man will also have a very special opportunity to lead everyone in a precious song. For me, this is the completion of his adoption song. He will be brave, not the terrified little boy placed in our arms 8 months ago. He will be free, not confined to a crib or a mental institution- his former destiny. And he will shout His name in VICTORY, because He has conquered and declared Little Man victorious.
Praise God for His glorious grace that redeems us!
