The waiting! Oh the waiting!
I knew this was coming. I knew my impatience would get the best of me at some point. :) As we are wrapping up our home study and about to start on our dossier, I am seeing that we are ending our list of things to do. Without a list of things to do, I can only wait. Waiting is not fun. Waiting is not the part of adoption that parents look forward to. Waiting is HARD.
It is difficult to comprehend that my baby may be hungry or lonely or hurt and it will take me SO very long to get to him/her and begin the healing process. We have adoptive friends we have connected with online who are adopting through the same program, but we are the only family going the referral route (this means that the country will match us with a child). The families we keep connecting with are adopting from the waiting list (which means they choose their child off of a list at any point in their process and then proceed to adopt that specific child). The waiting list is a much shorter wait, whereas a referral could take 3-5 years to even get a match. Why don't we just pick one off of the list, you ask? We do check the list quite frequently, but God has not given us a peace about any of the faces we see. Most families say that they "knew" when they saw their child's picture. There is a little boy whose face is always in my mind, but we do not currently qualify to adopt him as he is in another country. So as much as I don't want this door to close, I channel that disappointment in praying for his family to find him soon.
So throughout this process, God has been constantly reminding me of Old Testament stories, many that aren't the "big" stories or Sunday School favorites. I find myself holding onto each story as I experience the different emotions that are a part of this journey. When it comes to the struggle of waiting, I am reminded of a "big" story. Noah.
We all know the story of the flood. In Genesis 6, God determines that the evilness of man has reached its max. There must be a cleansing to purify the earth. God tells Noah the specifics of the ark to build and promises to establish a covenant with him. In verse 22, Noah's faith is summed up in one sentence. "Noah did everything just as God commanded him."
I have read that scholars believe it took Noah around 50 years to actually build the ark. While it is possible, I seriously doubt that God spoke to Noah every morning and said, "Now Noah, remember the command I gave you? I'm still expecting you to complete that boat. Don't be discouraged when the hammer breaks or people call you crazy. Just keep building."
Maybe God did encourage him from time to time, but from what I gather, there was a command and then (roughly) 50 years later, the promise was fulfilled. 50 YEARS! Can you imagine having to continue doing the most difficult, bizarre building project for 50 years with no sign of rain and still not lose your faith? I can't. I can barely comprehend 3-5 years of waiting.
But I can relate to Noah in a small sense. Can you just picture with me for a minute the look on his face when he's working on the last part of the boat, maybe mumbling to himself that he actually is insane, then turns around and sees every kind of animal walking towards him, ready to get on board? (Maybe he had to search for them, but just go with me for a minute.) I can relate to that face because I make it every time God provides the finances for the adoption. I feel that same sense of awe when someone hands us a check out of the blue, or when a friend sends me a message saying that she was adopted and wants to support our child, or when I have an order for new necklaces, or when the hubby is able to work on his parents' farm and earn a little extra cash. And I certainly make that face when we deposit all of that money into our adoption account and the total is the EXACT amount that we need for our next payment.
I don't know if Noah received encouragement along his journey, but I know that I do. I know that God is whispering (and sometimes shouting), "I am still here. Just keep moving forward." Sure there are days that I am discouraged. There are days I think we are crazy. There are days that I am so scared, I don't want to take the next step. But He reminds me that He is still in this. Sometimes it is during quiet time and sometimes it is through the actions of those supporting and encouraging us along the way.
I am finding that this process is a journey of faith in the waiting. So please be in prayer for our faith. Pray for our hearts to be obedient in each step. Pray for our child to be LOVED and cared for while he/ she waits.
Pray that our lives would look like the lyrics to this song. It is truly our desire to serve Him while we wait. To move ahead bold and confident. Taking every step in obedience.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Afq10d9Z29g
