Good morning! Or good evening...I'm not entirely sure which time zone I am addressing. ;) Welcome to the musings of my sleep-deprived brain which is also functioning under a recent dose of Benadryl (I will beat jet lag this trip!)...hopefully that kicks in soon. It is 5:15 am here and I thought I should attempt to write about our first day before it all becomes a distant memory.
We landed in the Capitol city around 1:30 pm, after a mostly uneventful trip here. We did somehow leave the airport on our 9 hour flight on time and still land an hour late. I'm not entirely sure how that even happens, but it did force us to sprint to the last leg of our trip. That was fun. Especially after already being awake for almost 24 hours at that point. Also, on a completely unrelated note, I am WAY out of shape!
We met our driver at the airport and the Hubs got to practice a little of his new language skills. (he has an unbelievable knack for this language!). We got to the hotel, which is HUGE. Seriously, our room/apartment is slightly larger than our first house we had when we got married. That will be a wonderful thing as we bring Little Man here in 24 hours (Wow!) . Having so much space is a blessing with two curious toddlers.
Right after we got to our room, there was time for a quick shower and then our sweet missionary friend arrived to show us around and help us find a bookstore to buy some things for the orphanage. We spent the afternoon wandering around, getting our bearings and carrying Baby Girl in the hot sun, as she is exhausted from the trip.
It was wonderful to talk to our friend about some of their adventures in working with the Roma people. It was heartbreaking to see so many beggars on the streets, but as we passed each one, she stopped and greeted every person. By NAME. The hands and feet of Jesus, y'all. After grabbing a quick dinner when Baby Girl woke up from her nap (must be nice to be carried around while you sleep!), we stopped at the local grocery store to load up on water and snacks to keep in our room. (We found a Dunkin Donuts right across the street from a local pizza shop- I believe we have spotted breakfast and lunch for tomorrow/today!) The pizza here is phenomenal- we've been looking forward
to having more of it since we left 5 and a half months ago.
Then we got to spend some time at our friends' apartment and hang out with their young boys while they talked missions with another family in town. It has been so encouraging to be able to come to a new country, see faces we know, hear the language we understand, and be able to fellowship with friends who understand what this week is for us! The Lord has certainly provided for us in ways we didn't even know we needed provision.
After that, it was time to come "home" and crash. We all slept soundly (at least until Baby Girl and I woke up a few hours ago.).
We hope to make it to church in a few hours, but depending on when this Benadryl kicks in, we may just sleep in and unpack some.
We could use prayers for the following:
- little Man's heart to be prepared for us, and our hearts for him. We are hoping for an easy bonding process and for the right tools as we comfort him in grieving the loss of his current life.
- that we can find all of the things we hoped to be able to donate to the orphanage and staff. We don't want to waste this opportunity to show Christ's love to all of the people He has made.
- that The Lord will guide our decisions in how we begin to parent two children. (For example, the planner in me is slightly stressed at trying to figure out where we will all sleep the first night. We won't have a crib until Wednesday, but we get him Monday. Pray The Lord works that out. Do we all pile into the same bed, leave the kiddos in one room together (Baby girl started in her own bed, but wound up in ours). It all sounds silly, but each decision can be a big deal in how he learns to trust us.)
Thank you all for your prayers. Now that the emotional numbness that comes with extreme physical exhaustion has started to fade, I find myself becoming incrediably excited, but also just as nervous with all the changes coming TOMORROW. :)
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Preparing our Hearts
We are counting down the DAYS until we leave to go get Little Man. Baby Girl has started saying we are going to "bust him out", and in many ways that's exactly how it feels. He has been a prisoner in his crib for far too long.
Preparations look similar to planning for any trip. There are clothes to wash, rooms to organize, clean sheets to put on beds (a MANDATORY part of my checklist on every trip- nothing like coming home to your own, clean bed!), and toys to pack. I am enjoying packing for FOUR for the first time though!
In addition to packing material things, Hubby and I are working on packing our hearts full of the tools we will need to parent this little boy and thrive on this first trip. If you are my friend on Facebook, you have likely seen the many articles I have been posting about the importance of attachment and bonding for children who have never truly received love. It is overwhelming to think of all the developmental things a child has missed from not being in a family. For instance, did you know that your sense of balance is partially developed from the rocking and bouncing you receive from your mother as a fussy infant? Things like cars and swings could be a major issue for you if all you have ever known is lying on your back in a crib. Imagine then the depth perception and visual stimuli you have as you learn to sit up and play. And imagine the lack of it, if you stared only at a white ceiling in your first months and years.
Now, we don't know exactly what Little Man's experience was as a baby. We saw clearly that his nanny cared deeply for him, but realistically, even with the most caring nanny, a room full of abandoned babies cannot possibly have all of their needs met with one or two people. And trust can only build so much when your primary caregiver works on a shift schedule. Moms and Dads were designed to be constant in a child's life. We will spend the first weeks and months spending time alone with Little Man so he can learn that we will never leave him.
In planning our trip, Hubby and I are preparing ourselves for a very rough few weeks. I have not read one pick-up story in which the child adjusted immediately to his new family. Most children spend days, weeks, months or even years crying, biting themselves or others, rocking, pulling their own hair out, inducing vomiting, beating their heads agains the floor, etc. (I am simply writing this to be honest with those who are planning to walk with us through this new phase in our family's life.) These are children with broken souls. They are coming from hard places.
Try to imagine being a child young enough that you can be physically carried (likely against your will) away from the only building and faces you have ever known. These new people speak calmly towards you, but you can't understand what they are saying. They smell funny. Everything they eat is weird. They put you in a car (maybe for the first time ever) and drive you to another building, only to have some person in a white coat hurt your arm with a shiny stick. Then red stuff pours out of you. You get to a new place with a big bed and a crib. You've never sat in water that reaches your tummy- you've only ever been squirted with cold water from a shower head. Somehow you are supposed to now go to sleep in your new crib with these weird blankets and pillows. Then just as you are starting to adjust, they put you on a spaceship and fly you around the world to another new place where EVERYONE talks funny and looks different.
The fear of being abandoned again by these new parents is a reality for these kids. Everything they've ever known has been torn away, who is to say it won't happen again?
Yes, in preparing for our trip, we are storing up the tools we will need to begin to help heal the hurt in his little heart. We are trying to cram in as much time as a couple to focus, pray and strengthen our own relationship, as it will be tried in ways we have never known. We have spent hours with Baby Girl, playing, laughing and talking with her about how much she is loved. This will be a difficult trial for her as well.
So why would we do this anyway? I mean, who in his right mind would INTENTIONALLY put his family under this stress and indefinite chaos?
I have many different ways I can answer that question. But the one that I can't ignore is: JESUS. Jesus would put Himself in harm's way to heal the brokenness of a hurting soul. He would give it all. For me. He saw me alone, wallowing in my own filth, a prisoner in my own crib of sin. And He came for me.
He came for me.
And we can't sit in our freedom from bondage, after being given more love than we can contain ourselves and NOT go back for those who haven't seen His face.
We have to go back for him. He's ours. He is spoken for. We DELIGHT in calling him our child.
The Father has filled our hearts with His promises and we know that following Him is not always easy, but we can testify from our own lives, that following Him is always the most joyful. He sees so much more than we can, and we KNOW that He has made us a family. So if the journey of becoming a family is even harder than the waiting, we can be certain of His great love for His children, and therefore, know He is still worthy of our adoration. And if the bonding process is painless, we will praise Him just the same (although more well-rested than the alternative, I'm sure!).
But let's face it, having two toddlers only 6 weeks apart in age is going to be a storm all on its own! ;)
And so we prepare. We prepare physically by packing (the OCD in me is loving all the lists I have scattered around the house!). We prepare emotionally as our relationships with each other will be different forever after adding another child. We prepare to say goodbye to our friends and family for some time as we pour into Little Man. And we prepare spiritually by studying, worshipping and memorizing the promises He has given us.
If you would like some resources to see how you can best support adoptive families, here are some great places to start:
http://www.child.tcu.edu/Book/The%20Connected%20Child%20Chapter%20Four.pdf
http://mercyfoundministries.com/blog/three-best-things-for-attachment/
http://copperlightwood.com/2014/04/upside-down-part-two.html
And as always, we appreciate your prayers as we start this new part of the journey. Please specifically pray for Little Man's heart to be prepared for us, and our hearts for him.
Preparations look similar to planning for any trip. There are clothes to wash, rooms to organize, clean sheets to put on beds (a MANDATORY part of my checklist on every trip- nothing like coming home to your own, clean bed!), and toys to pack. I am enjoying packing for FOUR for the first time though!
In addition to packing material things, Hubby and I are working on packing our hearts full of the tools we will need to parent this little boy and thrive on this first trip. If you are my friend on Facebook, you have likely seen the many articles I have been posting about the importance of attachment and bonding for children who have never truly received love. It is overwhelming to think of all the developmental things a child has missed from not being in a family. For instance, did you know that your sense of balance is partially developed from the rocking and bouncing you receive from your mother as a fussy infant? Things like cars and swings could be a major issue for you if all you have ever known is lying on your back in a crib. Imagine then the depth perception and visual stimuli you have as you learn to sit up and play. And imagine the lack of it, if you stared only at a white ceiling in your first months and years.
Now, we don't know exactly what Little Man's experience was as a baby. We saw clearly that his nanny cared deeply for him, but realistically, even with the most caring nanny, a room full of abandoned babies cannot possibly have all of their needs met with one or two people. And trust can only build so much when your primary caregiver works on a shift schedule. Moms and Dads were designed to be constant in a child's life. We will spend the first weeks and months spending time alone with Little Man so he can learn that we will never leave him.
In planning our trip, Hubby and I are preparing ourselves for a very rough few weeks. I have not read one pick-up story in which the child adjusted immediately to his new family. Most children spend days, weeks, months or even years crying, biting themselves or others, rocking, pulling their own hair out, inducing vomiting, beating their heads agains the floor, etc. (I am simply writing this to be honest with those who are planning to walk with us through this new phase in our family's life.) These are children with broken souls. They are coming from hard places.
Try to imagine being a child young enough that you can be physically carried (likely against your will) away from the only building and faces you have ever known. These new people speak calmly towards you, but you can't understand what they are saying. They smell funny. Everything they eat is weird. They put you in a car (maybe for the first time ever) and drive you to another building, only to have some person in a white coat hurt your arm with a shiny stick. Then red stuff pours out of you. You get to a new place with a big bed and a crib. You've never sat in water that reaches your tummy- you've only ever been squirted with cold water from a shower head. Somehow you are supposed to now go to sleep in your new crib with these weird blankets and pillows. Then just as you are starting to adjust, they put you on a spaceship and fly you around the world to another new place where EVERYONE talks funny and looks different.
The fear of being abandoned again by these new parents is a reality for these kids. Everything they've ever known has been torn away, who is to say it won't happen again?
Yes, in preparing for our trip, we are storing up the tools we will need to begin to help heal the hurt in his little heart. We are trying to cram in as much time as a couple to focus, pray and strengthen our own relationship, as it will be tried in ways we have never known. We have spent hours with Baby Girl, playing, laughing and talking with her about how much she is loved. This will be a difficult trial for her as well.
So why would we do this anyway? I mean, who in his right mind would INTENTIONALLY put his family under this stress and indefinite chaos?
I have many different ways I can answer that question. But the one that I can't ignore is: JESUS. Jesus would put Himself in harm's way to heal the brokenness of a hurting soul. He would give it all. For me. He saw me alone, wallowing in my own filth, a prisoner in my own crib of sin. And He came for me.
He came for me.
And we can't sit in our freedom from bondage, after being given more love than we can contain ourselves and NOT go back for those who haven't seen His face.
We have to go back for him. He's ours. He is spoken for. We DELIGHT in calling him our child.
The Father has filled our hearts with His promises and we know that following Him is not always easy, but we can testify from our own lives, that following Him is always the most joyful. He sees so much more than we can, and we KNOW that He has made us a family. So if the journey of becoming a family is even harder than the waiting, we can be certain of His great love for His children, and therefore, know He is still worthy of our adoration. And if the bonding process is painless, we will praise Him just the same (although more well-rested than the alternative, I'm sure!).
But let's face it, having two toddlers only 6 weeks apart in age is going to be a storm all on its own! ;)
And so we prepare. We prepare physically by packing (the OCD in me is loving all the lists I have scattered around the house!). We prepare emotionally as our relationships with each other will be different forever after adding another child. We prepare to say goodbye to our friends and family for some time as we pour into Little Man. And we prepare spiritually by studying, worshipping and memorizing the promises He has given us.
If you would like some resources to see how you can best support adoptive families, here are some great places to start:
http://www.child.tcu.edu/Book/The%20Connected%20Child%20Chapter%20Four.pdf
http://mercyfoundministries.com/blog/three-best-things-for-attachment/
http://copperlightwood.com/2014/04/upside-down-part-two.html
And as always, we appreciate your prayers as we start this new part of the journey. Please specifically pray for Little Man's heart to be prepared for us, and our hearts for him.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
The Waiting
Well it has been an incredibly long time since I have updated the blog. Don't get me wrong, there have been many things I have wanted to share, but our computer shut down on us a few months ago, and updating from a phone was difficult. :) Our brother had a computer that he no longer used and graciously let us have it. (Thanks, C! We love ya!)
In my last post, I shared the wonderful news that we had received Little Man's referral. Since then, we have traveled on trip 1, come home, filled out even more paperwork, waited, passed court and are now waiting eagerly to be given travel dates to return to bring him home forever! It has been a little over 3 weeks since we passed court and he legally became our son, so we are growing anxious as we are beyond ready to go get him!
Our first trip was amazing! We arrived at the orphanage with more emotions than can be described in words. We walked up the steps and were ushered into the director's office. There is a rule that says you may not take pictures or videos of your child until after you have met him/ her and signed forms stating that you do indeed want him/her. Apparently, it is common for families to make the trip and decide that they no longer want their child. When we sat down across from her, she informed our facilitator that she would not require us to sign before meeting Little Man. She knew we wanted him. She also said, "We have been waiting a long time for you to come to him." I couldn't help but smile and say, "Us too!" Seriously, you have NO idea how long we have waited!
They ushered us into a tiny room and we took our coats off expecting to wait for a while before they were able to get him from his room and bring him to us. As soon as we sat down, his precious nanny walked in with him. It is impossible to describe the emotions that hit you when you see your child for the first time. It is profoundly different than the feeling you experience when your child is born, just as glorious, but different. Here was the little boy whose pictures and videos we had memorized by heart. He was alive and right in front of us! There wasn't any time to process all of those different thoughts though, because he immediately pointed at the Hubby and screamed "DaDa!" There could not have been a more perfect introduction. In that moment, heaven kissed earth and Little Man was fatherless no more.
The rest of our visits were mostly what we expected. Little Man LOVED his daddy immediately and quickly bonded to me and Baby Girl. He got such a kick out of his new little sister. Since he is unable to walk or crawl efficiently, it was difficult for him to reach toys. He quickly learned that if he called his sister's name, she would run get a toy and bring it to him. And all he wanted to do was hug her, which of course, melted this mama's heart. It was as though he has been in our family all along.
~ ~ ~
Today, we wait eagerly for the email saying we have been invited back to Little Man's first country for Gotcha Day. We pulled Little Man's file last August, after already being in the adoption process for 5 months. So this pregnancy has now lasted 17 months! And I am ready to be done! We have had many friends become pregnant, give birth, and start raising their new children in the time we have waited just to be with Little Man. We want our little boy! He has spent enough time in that orphanage. As much as his nanny cares for him, it is time for him to have a family of his own.
For us, the waiting is a careful balance between waiting on the Lord's timing and also knowing that we are not fighting against flesh and blood in the red tape. If I had a dollar for every time I have been told, "Wait on God's timing" I could fund a second adoption. :) We absolutely trust and understand that the Lord's timing is perfect for Little Man's homecoming, but we also understand that not every delay in this world is His will, but simply events that He allows. His will is not for children to languish in orphanages. The wait is a delicate balance in praying for His will in Little Man's life, but also praying against things that the enemy uses to keep our son a prisoner in his crib.
Romans 8 has been a chapter to cling to in this process. Especially now in the waiting. I fully understand the groaning in crying "Abba, Father."
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we are saved. But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." Romans 8:18-27
As we wait for our adoption to be finalized in the Lord in eternity, we wait for CJ's adoption to begin in new life with us. At home.
In my last post, I shared the wonderful news that we had received Little Man's referral. Since then, we have traveled on trip 1, come home, filled out even more paperwork, waited, passed court and are now waiting eagerly to be given travel dates to return to bring him home forever! It has been a little over 3 weeks since we passed court and he legally became our son, so we are growing anxious as we are beyond ready to go get him!
Our first trip was amazing! We arrived at the orphanage with more emotions than can be described in words. We walked up the steps and were ushered into the director's office. There is a rule that says you may not take pictures or videos of your child until after you have met him/ her and signed forms stating that you do indeed want him/her. Apparently, it is common for families to make the trip and decide that they no longer want their child. When we sat down across from her, she informed our facilitator that she would not require us to sign before meeting Little Man. She knew we wanted him. She also said, "We have been waiting a long time for you to come to him." I couldn't help but smile and say, "Us too!" Seriously, you have NO idea how long we have waited!
They ushered us into a tiny room and we took our coats off expecting to wait for a while before they were able to get him from his room and bring him to us. As soon as we sat down, his precious nanny walked in with him. It is impossible to describe the emotions that hit you when you see your child for the first time. It is profoundly different than the feeling you experience when your child is born, just as glorious, but different. Here was the little boy whose pictures and videos we had memorized by heart. He was alive and right in front of us! There wasn't any time to process all of those different thoughts though, because he immediately pointed at the Hubby and screamed "DaDa!" There could not have been a more perfect introduction. In that moment, heaven kissed earth and Little Man was fatherless no more.
The rest of our visits were mostly what we expected. Little Man LOVED his daddy immediately and quickly bonded to me and Baby Girl. He got such a kick out of his new little sister. Since he is unable to walk or crawl efficiently, it was difficult for him to reach toys. He quickly learned that if he called his sister's name, she would run get a toy and bring it to him. And all he wanted to do was hug her, which of course, melted this mama's heart. It was as though he has been in our family all along.
~ ~ ~
Today, we wait eagerly for the email saying we have been invited back to Little Man's first country for Gotcha Day. We pulled Little Man's file last August, after already being in the adoption process for 5 months. So this pregnancy has now lasted 17 months! And I am ready to be done! We have had many friends become pregnant, give birth, and start raising their new children in the time we have waited just to be with Little Man. We want our little boy! He has spent enough time in that orphanage. As much as his nanny cares for him, it is time for him to have a family of his own.
For us, the waiting is a careful balance between waiting on the Lord's timing and also knowing that we are not fighting against flesh and blood in the red tape. If I had a dollar for every time I have been told, "Wait on God's timing" I could fund a second adoption. :) We absolutely trust and understand that the Lord's timing is perfect for Little Man's homecoming, but we also understand that not every delay in this world is His will, but simply events that He allows. His will is not for children to languish in orphanages. The wait is a delicate balance in praying for His will in Little Man's life, but also praying against things that the enemy uses to keep our son a prisoner in his crib.
Romans 8 has been a chapter to cling to in this process. Especially now in the waiting. I fully understand the groaning in crying "Abba, Father."
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we are saved. But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." Romans 8:18-27
As we wait for our adoption to be finalized in the Lord in eternity, we wait for CJ's adoption to begin in new life with us. At home.
Monday, February 10, 2014
The Referral!
A little over a week ago, we got the best email yet. We have Little Man's verbal referral! This means that our dossier made it to the big council meeting that matches orphans with families, and we were officially paired with him! One step closer to legally sharing a last name! I think all adoptive mama's have the "major" milestones in the process that they look forward to- the referral has always been mine. ...And passing court- that's coming soon though!
So what's next? We have his verbal referral, but we are still waiting on his written referral. The written referral is the paperwork side of being matched with him. We are hoping it comes with some pictures! We are also hoping for more medical and social updates, but really I just want to look into his little eyes again. :) Most families receive the written referral 2-4 weeks after verbal. So we are expecting it any day now. Also, with the written referral comes the adoption agency's (the agency in his country, not our's here) invitation to travel. Sooooo...we should hear any day now when we can board the plane! Exciting stuff!!!!
Adoption has taught me so many lessons. I don't even have enough paper to write down everything God has shown me in the last year and a half. I feel like a completely different person, and I'm so grateful that God allowed us to pursue adoption. I don't think I could have ever understood Him the way I do now without this process. And now I see a lot of areas that I fall WAY short. I have so much more to learn. The Father definitely used this experience to draw me closer to Him, but also to show me just how far my heart can be from Him and how much I desperately need Him. I thought it would be fun to draw up a little list of things I've learned- some about myself, some about life in general and some things that make me giggle. (In no particular order.)
1- I am in many ways much stronger than I thought I was, and at the same time significantly more tender than I thought. Adoption is HARD, but thankfully, His power is made perfect in my weakness.
2- It is possible for the human mind to be preoccupied with 80,000 things at one time. Of course, all women know this to be true, but it definitely becomes evident in adoption.
3- You can be completely in love with someone you've never met.
4- Jesus is Lord of everything. Absolutely everything is under His power. Even $30,000+ in adoption fees. Every cell in the broken body of a little boy on the other side of the world. Nothing is impossible for Him.
5- His grace is enough for me.
6- If I think I have mastered an area in my spiritual life, I'd better be on guard. Chances are, it's not as under control as I thought. Adoption has brought multiple circumstances to light that prove this to be true. And I struggle in more areas than I'd like to admit.
7- It is possible to experience every single human emotion. In one day. Multiple times.
8- Forgiveness is really hard.
9- You can become obsessed with checking your email and rationalize it by thinking, "Well maybe the agency has news, even though I was told it would be days/weeks from now." Or "It is ___ time in Little Man's country. Maybe the social worker is up forwarding emails to me at 3 am our time."
There must be a name for this condition. It's a problem. Really.
10- It is also possible to be so excited at the thought of meeting your child that you think you will jump out of your skin, and yet in such physical pain at the realization of being so far away that you can't breathe.
11- God is big enough to handle my fears of the unknown. And more than that, He promises to bind Himself to me so we can plow ahead together. The burden is much lighter when you share it with Someone who has such strong shoulders.
12- Acquiring wealth is not as important as I once thought. As it turns out, I think God would much rather we spend our time and money on loving others than storing up more than we know what to do with. There will always be bigger houses and cars, but people ALWAYS matter more. We spend a lot of our time dreaming about the future, but people are cold, hungry and abandoned right NOW. Our lives really do bear witness to whether we value human souls or belongings more.
13- God can use all kinds of things to draw people to Himself. And He's always waiting with open arms.
14- Knowing that your time of being a family of 3 has an upcoming expiration date is exciting and motivation to make sure those relationships are unshakable.
15- No matter what I'm doing, I'm consciously thinking about my little boy. And missing him more than I can say.
Well I guess that about sums up this post of random thoughts. :) More details will come when we hear something!
I'll leave you with this song. It has always been a favorite, but now I can't help but think of what I would say if Little Man and I were face to face.
"Three in the morning, and I'm still awake
So I pick up a pen and a page
And I started writing just what I'd say
If we were face to face
I'd tell you just what you mean to me
Tell you these simple truths
Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got His hand on you
So don't live life in fear"
...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t9u-LOa3OI
So what's next? We have his verbal referral, but we are still waiting on his written referral. The written referral is the paperwork side of being matched with him. We are hoping it comes with some pictures! We are also hoping for more medical and social updates, but really I just want to look into his little eyes again. :) Most families receive the written referral 2-4 weeks after verbal. So we are expecting it any day now. Also, with the written referral comes the adoption agency's (the agency in his country, not our's here) invitation to travel. Sooooo...we should hear any day now when we can board the plane! Exciting stuff!!!!
Adoption has taught me so many lessons. I don't even have enough paper to write down everything God has shown me in the last year and a half. I feel like a completely different person, and I'm so grateful that God allowed us to pursue adoption. I don't think I could have ever understood Him the way I do now without this process. And now I see a lot of areas that I fall WAY short. I have so much more to learn. The Father definitely used this experience to draw me closer to Him, but also to show me just how far my heart can be from Him and how much I desperately need Him. I thought it would be fun to draw up a little list of things I've learned- some about myself, some about life in general and some things that make me giggle. (In no particular order.)
1- I am in many ways much stronger than I thought I was, and at the same time significantly more tender than I thought. Adoption is HARD, but thankfully, His power is made perfect in my weakness.
2- It is possible for the human mind to be preoccupied with 80,000 things at one time. Of course, all women know this to be true, but it definitely becomes evident in adoption.
3- You can be completely in love with someone you've never met.
4- Jesus is Lord of everything. Absolutely everything is under His power. Even $30,000+ in adoption fees. Every cell in the broken body of a little boy on the other side of the world. Nothing is impossible for Him.
5- His grace is enough for me.
6- If I think I have mastered an area in my spiritual life, I'd better be on guard. Chances are, it's not as under control as I thought. Adoption has brought multiple circumstances to light that prove this to be true. And I struggle in more areas than I'd like to admit.
7- It is possible to experience every single human emotion. In one day. Multiple times.
8- Forgiveness is really hard.
9- You can become obsessed with checking your email and rationalize it by thinking, "Well maybe the agency has news, even though I was told it would be days/weeks from now." Or "It is ___ time in Little Man's country. Maybe the social worker is up forwarding emails to me at 3 am our time."
There must be a name for this condition. It's a problem. Really.
10- It is also possible to be so excited at the thought of meeting your child that you think you will jump out of your skin, and yet in such physical pain at the realization of being so far away that you can't breathe.
11- God is big enough to handle my fears of the unknown. And more than that, He promises to bind Himself to me so we can plow ahead together. The burden is much lighter when you share it with Someone who has such strong shoulders.
12- Acquiring wealth is not as important as I once thought. As it turns out, I think God would much rather we spend our time and money on loving others than storing up more than we know what to do with. There will always be bigger houses and cars, but people ALWAYS matter more. We spend a lot of our time dreaming about the future, but people are cold, hungry and abandoned right NOW. Our lives really do bear witness to whether we value human souls or belongings more.
13- God can use all kinds of things to draw people to Himself. And He's always waiting with open arms.
14- Knowing that your time of being a family of 3 has an upcoming expiration date is exciting and motivation to make sure those relationships are unshakable.
15- No matter what I'm doing, I'm consciously thinking about my little boy. And missing him more than I can say.
Well I guess that about sums up this post of random thoughts. :) More details will come when we hear something!
I'll leave you with this song. It has always been a favorite, but now I can't help but think of what I would say if Little Man and I were face to face.
"Three in the morning, and I'm still awake
So I pick up a pen and a page
And I started writing just what I'd say
If we were face to face
I'd tell you just what you mean to me
Tell you these simple truths
Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got His hand on you
So don't live life in fear"
...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t9u-LOa3OI
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Toes in the Water
Apparently I have been slacking in keeping this blog up-to-date! As of yesterday, our dossier is on its way to Little Man's country! (The dossier is the giant stack of paperwork that we have been working on over the last few months. It includes our home study, Immigration approval, background checks, and lots of other forms and records.) Now we are at a waiting phase. It should arrive by Thursday, spend around a week in translation, then take several days to get different approvals. After all of that is done, it will be submitted to the council that meets to "refer" children to adoptive families.
Many of you know we were originally planning to go the traditional route, which means we would wait for the country to select a relatively healthy child for us. But back in August, God showed us the face of a little boy on the waiting child list, which is a list of children who are older or have special needs and are more unlikely to be adopted. We knew instantly that he was the child God had planned for our family and we committed to him that week! So since we are already committed to a child, when our dossier gets to this big meeting in a few weeks, they will match us to him officially. This is called the "referral." We get more papers and declare, "YES we WANT him!" Then we get to travel to meet him for the first time!
To give you perspective on what our timeline would have been had we not committed to Little Man and we had gone the traditional route, families (waiting for mostly young, healthy kiddos) whose dossiers were submitted in 2010 and 2011 are just now receiving referrals!
It has been such a JOY to see how God has been so intimately involved in this entire process. He has grown us beyond what we thought was possible. One of the very tangible ways He has proven His faithfulness has been in the finances. I want to write out this post so you can share in our JOY at the great things He has done! (But be prepared, it's long.) :)
First, I want to show you a story that God used a year ago to prepare me for what was coming in this adoption. I was reading through Joshua when one detail stopped me in my tracks, one detail that I don't think I had ever paid attention to before.
So here is the setting: Moses had just died and God called Joshua to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land. The spies had gone into the land and Rahab hid them. The spies made their way back to the camp and told Joshua about their adventure. God told Joshua it was time to move- they were to cross the Jordan and soon march around the walls of Jericho.
~
Joshua 3:5-17
Joshua told the people, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you."
Joshua said to the priests, "Take up the ark of the covenant and pass on ahead of the people." So they took it up and went ahead of them.
And the Lord said to Joshua, "Today I will begin to exalt you in the eyes of all Israel, so they may know that I am with you as I was with Moses. Tell the priests who carry the ark of the covenant: 'When you reach the edge of the Jordan's waters, go and stand in the river'."
Joshua said to the Israelites, "Come here and listen to the words of the Lord your God. This is how you will know that the living God is among you and that He will certainly drive out before you the Canaanites, the Hittites, Perizzites, Girgashites, Amorites and Jebusites. See, the ark of the covenant of the Lord all the earth will go into the Jordan ahead of you. Now then, chose twelve men from the tribes of Israel, one from each tribe. And as soon as the priests who carry the ark of the Lord- the Lord of all the earth-set foot in the Jordan, its waters flowing downstream will be cut off and stand up in a heap."
So when the people broke camp to cross the Jordan, the priests carrying the ark of the covenant went ahead of them. Now the Jordan is at flood stage all during harvest. Yet as soon as the priests who carried the ark reached the Jordan and their feet touched the water's edge, the water from upstream stopped flowing. It piled up in a heap a great distance away, at a town called Adam in the vicinity of Zarethan, while the water flowing down to the Sea of the Arabah (the Salt Sea) was completely cut off. So the people crossed over opposite Jericho. The priests who carried the ark of the covenant of the Lord stood firm on dry ground in the middle of the Jordan, while all Israel passed by until the whole nation had completed crossing on dry ground."
~
Ok, so now you've got the idea of what God had put in my heart right as He was calling us to follow His lead and apply for this adoption. The following is a piece of my journal entry on February 13, 2013 (to give you a timeline-this is before we actually filed the paperwork to apply for an adoption with our agency):
~
"Was My arm too short to ransom you? Do I lack the strength to rescue you?" ~ Isaiah 50:2b
Today is an exciting day. After months of praying and planning, it is time begin our adoption! The hubs and I had a long talk last night. After a pause in the conversation, he looked me square in the eye and said, "Let's do it." I will never forget that face. In his eyes were excitement, hope, fear, faith and love. It was the same face that told me he loved me for the first time so many years ago. Oh, how I love this man! I scooted close to him and smiled, "It looks like you're going to be a daddy again."
Today I am full of so many different emotions. I am so excited to have another sweetie in our family! I am nervous about what is ahead of us, the emotions, the paperwork and the money. I know that God already knows how the finances will work out, and I find peace in that, but in my humanness, I look around and wonder, "Where in the world is this money going to come from?!" In these moments, I remember several weeks ago, folding laundry on the bed, singing praise songs, and finally overwhelmed at the seemingly impossible road before us, kneeling beside the bed and hearing His familiar whisper, "Beloved, I have made a way."
I am scared to take the first step down this path, but faith isn't easy. I constantly think of Joshua telling the Israelites to cross the Jordan River. The river didn't stop flowing until the priests' feet touched the water's edge.
It is likely that God will not show us the path until we are stepping in. If He brings us to the water's edge a thousand times, I will count it all joy to watch His miracles unfold before my eyes each time.
~
I still think back to this story frequently. God didn't stop the river until their feet were wet. God hasn't laid out the entirety of His plan for our adoption, or the rest of our lives. But He has told us the next step each time we need to move. And as each step comes, He makes a way.
God has been so faithful during this journey that I simply can't keep it to myself. I need to tell of the things He has done. His heart has always been that people would turn to Him, and if this little example of His goodness and faithfulness can encourage someone in any way, it needs to be told.
As you can see by the little thermometer on the right side of the page, the average international adoption costs around $30,000. Fortunately, most of these payments are divided up over the entire process. As each step comes, so does each payment. It is a small price to pay for the ransom of a life, if you think about it. Jesus gave everything. His very life. And we too, are willing to give it all for this little boy.
The Father has poured out His blessings on us. He has literally performed miracles. Several months ago, we had a payment due. $1625. I went to get the mail one day and I opened an envelope to find a check for $1,000. The little note said that God had laid us and this amount on her heart. I didn't think I was going to be able to walk the rest of the way up the driveway. I stood very still for a long time, wiping the tears from my face.
A few days later, the hubs had an unusual task come up at work- a job that another worker is typically paid for each time this job is done (think similar to commission for each job instead of a salary paycheck). Because the hubs was the only one available at the time to do the job, he was paid this extra amount. Anyone want to guess how much the check was for? Yep. $625.
Just two weeks ago we had two payments due. One we expected, another that we thought was still another month away. We started adding up what we could find- a jar that we have been putting cash in as we have it, checks from friends and family that we needed to deposit, etc. I sat in the chair and recounted and recounted. God provided down to the dime (with even $10 to store up for the next payment!). That little money jar has become our widow's oil. When we need it, the money is somehow in that jar.
I still have to wipe away tears when I think about the people who blessed us over Christmas. Not one, not two, but THREE people slipped money into our hands and said, "I chose to forgo a Christmas present. Bringing your son home is worth more to me than a gift under the tree."
To look into their faces and see Jesus in their eyes, pouring out His love through them, is indescribable. It moves my soul like I have never experienced.
And right now, we stand at the edge of the Jordan again. We know that with Little Man's referral comes added payments, plane tickets and in-country expenses. We are expecting to need approximately $6,000 by our first trip, probably in March. I have to admit, the first few times I stood at the edge of this river, I shook with fear. But now, it is quickly becoming one of my favorite places to be.
I know over my life, I have prayed, "God, why didn't I get to be there to see the Red Sea part? I want to see the blind healed and the lame leap for joy. Don't you move like that anymore?"
And now I see. I am the blind man who now sees the enormity of my God as I stand firm in the dry sand of the river.
I am the woman pouring the unending oil from my little jar in faith as the Father opens the floodgates of heaven.
It is overwhelming, y'all. I pray that each of you get to see Him from this angle. I pray that your faith far surpasses my own.
It's time again. I can almost hear His whisper in the wind, "It's time to move again, Beloved. I am about to place your son in your arms." I can feel the coolness of the water lap against my toes as my family holds hands and we begin to wade into the water.
We are about to watch the Father move.
And there's no place I'd rather be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I typed out the above post around noon today. When my husband came home from work a few hours later, he was grinning. He told me he had some news for me. Our insurance company is giving us a check for a little over $4,000.
$4,000!
How do I even find the words to start commenting on this?! We have been in communication with them for a few months about this check. We received it, but didn't have a clue as to why. When we called to make sure it was legitimate, they said they would have to look into it, but it was probably unlikely that it would work out for us to keep it. (Of course there are many details to this story, but they don't seem very important right now.) I tried to not think about it because I didn't want to get my hopes up in what seemed to be an impossibility.
I don't even have a clear thought process at this point to describe how amazed I am right now.
"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house. 'Test Me in this,' says the LORD ALMIGHTY, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour our so much blessing that you will not have enough room for it." ~ Malachi 3:10
He sees us. He cares. He is faithful. He is good. And He loves my little boy even more than I do.
Many of you know we were originally planning to go the traditional route, which means we would wait for the country to select a relatively healthy child for us. But back in August, God showed us the face of a little boy on the waiting child list, which is a list of children who are older or have special needs and are more unlikely to be adopted. We knew instantly that he was the child God had planned for our family and we committed to him that week! So since we are already committed to a child, when our dossier gets to this big meeting in a few weeks, they will match us to him officially. This is called the "referral." We get more papers and declare, "YES we WANT him!" Then we get to travel to meet him for the first time!
To give you perspective on what our timeline would have been had we not committed to Little Man and we had gone the traditional route, families (waiting for mostly young, healthy kiddos) whose dossiers were submitted in 2010 and 2011 are just now receiving referrals!
It has been such a JOY to see how God has been so intimately involved in this entire process. He has grown us beyond what we thought was possible. One of the very tangible ways He has proven His faithfulness has been in the finances. I want to write out this post so you can share in our JOY at the great things He has done! (But be prepared, it's long.) :)
First, I want to show you a story that God used a year ago to prepare me for what was coming in this adoption. I was reading through Joshua when one detail stopped me in my tracks, one detail that I don't think I had ever paid attention to before.
So here is the setting: Moses had just died and God called Joshua to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land. The spies had gone into the land and Rahab hid them. The spies made their way back to the camp and told Joshua about their adventure. God told Joshua it was time to move- they were to cross the Jordan and soon march around the walls of Jericho.
~
Joshua 3:5-17
Joshua told the people, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you."
Joshua said to the priests, "Take up the ark of the covenant and pass on ahead of the people." So they took it up and went ahead of them.
And the Lord said to Joshua, "Today I will begin to exalt you in the eyes of all Israel, so they may know that I am with you as I was with Moses. Tell the priests who carry the ark of the covenant: 'When you reach the edge of the Jordan's waters, go and stand in the river'."
Joshua said to the Israelites, "Come here and listen to the words of the Lord your God. This is how you will know that the living God is among you and that He will certainly drive out before you the Canaanites, the Hittites, Perizzites, Girgashites, Amorites and Jebusites. See, the ark of the covenant of the Lord all the earth will go into the Jordan ahead of you. Now then, chose twelve men from the tribes of Israel, one from each tribe. And as soon as the priests who carry the ark of the Lord- the Lord of all the earth-set foot in the Jordan, its waters flowing downstream will be cut off and stand up in a heap."
So when the people broke camp to cross the Jordan, the priests carrying the ark of the covenant went ahead of them. Now the Jordan is at flood stage all during harvest. Yet as soon as the priests who carried the ark reached the Jordan and their feet touched the water's edge, the water from upstream stopped flowing. It piled up in a heap a great distance away, at a town called Adam in the vicinity of Zarethan, while the water flowing down to the Sea of the Arabah (the Salt Sea) was completely cut off. So the people crossed over opposite Jericho. The priests who carried the ark of the covenant of the Lord stood firm on dry ground in the middle of the Jordan, while all Israel passed by until the whole nation had completed crossing on dry ground."
~
Ok, so now you've got the idea of what God had put in my heart right as He was calling us to follow His lead and apply for this adoption. The following is a piece of my journal entry on February 13, 2013 (to give you a timeline-this is before we actually filed the paperwork to apply for an adoption with our agency):
~
"Was My arm too short to ransom you? Do I lack the strength to rescue you?" ~ Isaiah 50:2b
Today is an exciting day. After months of praying and planning, it is time begin our adoption! The hubs and I had a long talk last night. After a pause in the conversation, he looked me square in the eye and said, "Let's do it." I will never forget that face. In his eyes were excitement, hope, fear, faith and love. It was the same face that told me he loved me for the first time so many years ago. Oh, how I love this man! I scooted close to him and smiled, "It looks like you're going to be a daddy again."
Today I am full of so many different emotions. I am so excited to have another sweetie in our family! I am nervous about what is ahead of us, the emotions, the paperwork and the money. I know that God already knows how the finances will work out, and I find peace in that, but in my humanness, I look around and wonder, "Where in the world is this money going to come from?!" In these moments, I remember several weeks ago, folding laundry on the bed, singing praise songs, and finally overwhelmed at the seemingly impossible road before us, kneeling beside the bed and hearing His familiar whisper, "Beloved, I have made a way."
I am scared to take the first step down this path, but faith isn't easy. I constantly think of Joshua telling the Israelites to cross the Jordan River. The river didn't stop flowing until the priests' feet touched the water's edge.
It is likely that God will not show us the path until we are stepping in. If He brings us to the water's edge a thousand times, I will count it all joy to watch His miracles unfold before my eyes each time.
~
I still think back to this story frequently. God didn't stop the river until their feet were wet. God hasn't laid out the entirety of His plan for our adoption, or the rest of our lives. But He has told us the next step each time we need to move. And as each step comes, He makes a way.
God has been so faithful during this journey that I simply can't keep it to myself. I need to tell of the things He has done. His heart has always been that people would turn to Him, and if this little example of His goodness and faithfulness can encourage someone in any way, it needs to be told.
As you can see by the little thermometer on the right side of the page, the average international adoption costs around $30,000. Fortunately, most of these payments are divided up over the entire process. As each step comes, so does each payment. It is a small price to pay for the ransom of a life, if you think about it. Jesus gave everything. His very life. And we too, are willing to give it all for this little boy.
The Father has poured out His blessings on us. He has literally performed miracles. Several months ago, we had a payment due. $1625. I went to get the mail one day and I opened an envelope to find a check for $1,000. The little note said that God had laid us and this amount on her heart. I didn't think I was going to be able to walk the rest of the way up the driveway. I stood very still for a long time, wiping the tears from my face.
A few days later, the hubs had an unusual task come up at work- a job that another worker is typically paid for each time this job is done (think similar to commission for each job instead of a salary paycheck). Because the hubs was the only one available at the time to do the job, he was paid this extra amount. Anyone want to guess how much the check was for? Yep. $625.
Just two weeks ago we had two payments due. One we expected, another that we thought was still another month away. We started adding up what we could find- a jar that we have been putting cash in as we have it, checks from friends and family that we needed to deposit, etc. I sat in the chair and recounted and recounted. God provided down to the dime (with even $10 to store up for the next payment!). That little money jar has become our widow's oil. When we need it, the money is somehow in that jar.
I still have to wipe away tears when I think about the people who blessed us over Christmas. Not one, not two, but THREE people slipped money into our hands and said, "I chose to forgo a Christmas present. Bringing your son home is worth more to me than a gift under the tree."
To look into their faces and see Jesus in their eyes, pouring out His love through them, is indescribable. It moves my soul like I have never experienced.
And right now, we stand at the edge of the Jordan again. We know that with Little Man's referral comes added payments, plane tickets and in-country expenses. We are expecting to need approximately $6,000 by our first trip, probably in March. I have to admit, the first few times I stood at the edge of this river, I shook with fear. But now, it is quickly becoming one of my favorite places to be.
I know over my life, I have prayed, "God, why didn't I get to be there to see the Red Sea part? I want to see the blind healed and the lame leap for joy. Don't you move like that anymore?"
And now I see. I am the blind man who now sees the enormity of my God as I stand firm in the dry sand of the river.
I am the woman pouring the unending oil from my little jar in faith as the Father opens the floodgates of heaven.
It is overwhelming, y'all. I pray that each of you get to see Him from this angle. I pray that your faith far surpasses my own.
It's time again. I can almost hear His whisper in the wind, "It's time to move again, Beloved. I am about to place your son in your arms." I can feel the coolness of the water lap against my toes as my family holds hands and we begin to wade into the water.
We are about to watch the Father move.
And there's no place I'd rather be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I typed out the above post around noon today. When my husband came home from work a few hours later, he was grinning. He told me he had some news for me. Our insurance company is giving us a check for a little over $4,000.
$4,000!
How do I even find the words to start commenting on this?! We have been in communication with them for a few months about this check. We received it, but didn't have a clue as to why. When we called to make sure it was legitimate, they said they would have to look into it, but it was probably unlikely that it would work out for us to keep it. (Of course there are many details to this story, but they don't seem very important right now.) I tried to not think about it because I didn't want to get my hopes up in what seemed to be an impossibility.
I don't even have a clear thought process at this point to describe how amazed I am right now.
"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house. 'Test Me in this,' says the LORD ALMIGHTY, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour our so much blessing that you will not have enough room for it." ~ Malachi 3:10
He sees us. He cares. He is faithful. He is good. And He loves my little boy even more than I do.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
November- Adoption Awareness Month
Hi!
It has been many weeks since I last posted and we have a few updates! Our home study is in and everything has been submitted to Immigration. In fact, we got our letters yesterday with our biometrics appointment date. So in a week or so, we can go check one more thing off of the list. :) After our appointment, we will finish collecting our dossier documents and wait for our Immigration approval. At that point, everything will be packaged up and sent to Little Man's country where it will be translated. Then we wait to hear that the special committee has officially matched us with him!
It feels like we are SO much closer to him. We are literally counting down in months- on ONE hand! Our social worker said that April would be a realistic estimate for our first trip. In some ways, it still feels like a lifetime away, but in other ways, we are SO CLOSE!
Life is going on as usual for us here. I have noticed that the last few weeks have been pretty emotional for me. I'm not sure if it is the upcoming holidays or what, but it seems like the longing for him to come home has been so very strong lately. It is a literal, physical ACHE. I don't know how to explain it any other way. As I have been reading other adoption blogs, it seems like this is pretty normal for a mama walking through this. I often joke that adoption hormones are so much stronger than pregnancy hormones. I don't consider myself a very emotional person. It usually takes a lot to make me cry, but my heart seems to be so very tender in this particular spot.
For example, I have an app on my phone that lets me see the weather in Little Man's town. Right now, as he slumbers, the first winter snow is blanketing the ground outside his orphanage. When I saw it, the tears just started flowing. Why does he have to be so far away? I have been hoping to get a little snow this year, so Baby Girl can play in it for the first time. And I'm missing that opportunity with my son. Will he get to play in the snow this year? Is he warm enough? Gosh, the emotions are completely overwhelming.
This Sunday, the youth were all sitting in a large circle before we started our lessons, and we were going around the circle to see what everyone wanted for Christmas. I was praying the adults weren't going to have to participate for fear I would cry in the middle of the room--surely the desire of my heart has nothing to do with gifts this year. It was the hubby's turn first and he said, "I really just want to pass Immigration so I can go get my son and bring him home." For those of you who know him personally, you know he doesn't always reveal the depths of his heart so openly and bluntly like that very often.
What a journey the Father has taken us on this year! He has changed our hearts completely, right before our eyes. He has given us true understanding of what is eternal and what will pass away. He has given us a PASSION for the fatherless and a desire to see them brought into a home. He has broken us and caused us to find ourselves complete only in Him. He has proven His faithfulness OVER and OVER. I look at the little thermometer on the side of the page and see that we have $20,000 to come up with in the next few months. I know that most of that must be paid by our first trip. The countdown to meet Little Man is, in a way, also a countdown to our payment date. My first instinct is to panic, but how can I when He has PROMISED to go ahead of us? He has provided everything so far. He has used people to just overwhelm us with His love. He has given me friends to walk through this journey with me. Some who have or are adopting, and some who He has given supernatural insight so they understand my heart when I need it. I have one precious friend who just stood in the hall and cried with me Sunday as I told her what I really wanted for Christmas.
Oh Jesus, You are SO good to me.
Another surprise blessing is that we will be able to send a small gift to Little Man with a family traveling to his orphanage to pick up their son! We are putting together a picture book so he can see his family and a small stuffed animal that we can record a simple message on. Not only will he hear, maybe for the first time, that he is loved and wanted, but he will hear the precious name of JESUS.
So that's where we are right now.
Please continue to pray for:
~ Little Man - Physical healing, attachment to begin when he receives our box, safety, and health
~ Orphanage workers - that they may see the glory of the Lord in Little Man's story
~ Us - that we will have the endurance to finish the race and peace during the journey
~ Finances - that God will provide every penny we need at the right moment and that He would receive all the glory
I found this poem online and thought it was sweet:
Kisses in the Wind
(The Waiting Child's Lullaby)
I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.
I know you wonder where we are...what's taking us so long
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.
Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.
May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.
Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.
May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night
--Pamela Durkota, written for Josh
It has been many weeks since I last posted and we have a few updates! Our home study is in and everything has been submitted to Immigration. In fact, we got our letters yesterday with our biometrics appointment date. So in a week or so, we can go check one more thing off of the list. :) After our appointment, we will finish collecting our dossier documents and wait for our Immigration approval. At that point, everything will be packaged up and sent to Little Man's country where it will be translated. Then we wait to hear that the special committee has officially matched us with him!
It feels like we are SO much closer to him. We are literally counting down in months- on ONE hand! Our social worker said that April would be a realistic estimate for our first trip. In some ways, it still feels like a lifetime away, but in other ways, we are SO CLOSE!
Life is going on as usual for us here. I have noticed that the last few weeks have been pretty emotional for me. I'm not sure if it is the upcoming holidays or what, but it seems like the longing for him to come home has been so very strong lately. It is a literal, physical ACHE. I don't know how to explain it any other way. As I have been reading other adoption blogs, it seems like this is pretty normal for a mama walking through this. I often joke that adoption hormones are so much stronger than pregnancy hormones. I don't consider myself a very emotional person. It usually takes a lot to make me cry, but my heart seems to be so very tender in this particular spot.
For example, I have an app on my phone that lets me see the weather in Little Man's town. Right now, as he slumbers, the first winter snow is blanketing the ground outside his orphanage. When I saw it, the tears just started flowing. Why does he have to be so far away? I have been hoping to get a little snow this year, so Baby Girl can play in it for the first time. And I'm missing that opportunity with my son. Will he get to play in the snow this year? Is he warm enough? Gosh, the emotions are completely overwhelming.
This Sunday, the youth were all sitting in a large circle before we started our lessons, and we were going around the circle to see what everyone wanted for Christmas. I was praying the adults weren't going to have to participate for fear I would cry in the middle of the room--surely the desire of my heart has nothing to do with gifts this year. It was the hubby's turn first and he said, "I really just want to pass Immigration so I can go get my son and bring him home." For those of you who know him personally, you know he doesn't always reveal the depths of his heart so openly and bluntly like that very often.
What a journey the Father has taken us on this year! He has changed our hearts completely, right before our eyes. He has given us true understanding of what is eternal and what will pass away. He has given us a PASSION for the fatherless and a desire to see them brought into a home. He has broken us and caused us to find ourselves complete only in Him. He has proven His faithfulness OVER and OVER. I look at the little thermometer on the side of the page and see that we have $20,000 to come up with in the next few months. I know that most of that must be paid by our first trip. The countdown to meet Little Man is, in a way, also a countdown to our payment date. My first instinct is to panic, but how can I when He has PROMISED to go ahead of us? He has provided everything so far. He has used people to just overwhelm us with His love. He has given me friends to walk through this journey with me. Some who have or are adopting, and some who He has given supernatural insight so they understand my heart when I need it. I have one precious friend who just stood in the hall and cried with me Sunday as I told her what I really wanted for Christmas.
Oh Jesus, You are SO good to me.
Another surprise blessing is that we will be able to send a small gift to Little Man with a family traveling to his orphanage to pick up their son! We are putting together a picture book so he can see his family and a small stuffed animal that we can record a simple message on. Not only will he hear, maybe for the first time, that he is loved and wanted, but he will hear the precious name of JESUS.
So that's where we are right now.
Please continue to pray for:
~ Little Man - Physical healing, attachment to begin when he receives our box, safety, and health
~ Orphanage workers - that they may see the glory of the Lord in Little Man's story
~ Us - that we will have the endurance to finish the race and peace during the journey
~ Finances - that God will provide every penny we need at the right moment and that He would receive all the glory
I found this poem online and thought it was sweet:
Kisses in the Wind
(The Waiting Child's Lullaby)
I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.
I know you wonder where we are...what's taking us so long
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.
Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.
May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.
Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.
May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night
--Pamela Durkota, written for Josh
Monday, September 23, 2013
We found the Missing Piece!
We have been waiting for the right time to kick off our BIG fundraiser for our adoption and we think we have landed on the perfect idea!
As many of you know, the average international adoption costs $30,000. Yes- that is a LOT of zeros! We have saved and raised a small portion so far but we have a LOOONG way to go to bring our son home. Now that we are committed to our Little Man, the payments are due in much larger amounts and much more quickly, so we are kicking off a fundraiser that will help bring him home, but also show him just how loved he was before he ever got on the plane!
This is how it works:
We have a 1,000 piece puzzle. Here is what it looks like!
But wait! There's more!
Each puzzle piece will put your name in a drawing for some awesome prizes! We will draw for 4 pre-paid debit cards!
Here's how that works:
1 puzzle piece ($10) = 1 entry into the drawing
2 puzzle pieces ($20) = 2 entries into the drawing
5 puzzle pieces ($50) = 5 entries into the drawing
There is no limit on how many entries you can have!
When we have 150 pieces to our puzzle we will draw for a $50 pre-paid card!
When we have 300 pieces to our puzzle we will draw for a $50 pre-paid card!
When we have 600 pieces to our puzzle we will draw for a $100 pre-paid card!
When we have 1,000 pieces to our puzzle we will draw for a $300 pre-paid card!
If you would like to participate, you can use the PayPal button on the right side of the page or send your donation directly to us (in person or in the mail) - just make sure we have your contact information so we can inform you if you win a prize!
We know that God has called us to adopt and we know that He has called us specifically to this little boy. We are incredibly thankful for all of you who are being the hands and feet of Jesus by supporting our family. We know that the Father is using YOU to make a difference in the life of this child. YOU are declaring with us, "Little One, you are an orphan NO MORE!"
So who wants to put together a puzzle?!?!
As many of you know, the average international adoption costs $30,000. Yes- that is a LOT of zeros! We have saved and raised a small portion so far but we have a LOOONG way to go to bring our son home. Now that we are committed to our Little Man, the payments are due in much larger amounts and much more quickly, so we are kicking off a fundraiser that will help bring him home, but also show him just how loved he was before he ever got on the plane!
This is how it works:
We have a 1,000 piece puzzle. Here is what it looks like!
 |
| But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you My power and that My Name might be proclaimed in all the earth. Exodus 9:16 |
When you donate $10 for a puzzle piece, we will write your name on the back of the piece. At the end of the fundraiser, we will frame the puzzle in a double-sided frame, so that Little Man will always be able to look at the names of the people who helped bring him home! What a lifelong blessing this will be to him and to our family! Names of friends, family and strangers who loved him before they even knew him!
 |
| Here is an example of what the back may look like! |
But wait! There's more!
Each puzzle piece will put your name in a drawing for some awesome prizes! We will draw for 4 pre-paid debit cards!
Here's how that works:
1 puzzle piece ($10) = 1 entry into the drawing
2 puzzle pieces ($20) = 2 entries into the drawing
5 puzzle pieces ($50) = 5 entries into the drawing
There is no limit on how many entries you can have!
When we have 150 pieces to our puzzle we will draw for a $50 pre-paid card!
When we have 300 pieces to our puzzle we will draw for a $50 pre-paid card!
When we have 600 pieces to our puzzle we will draw for a $100 pre-paid card!
When we have 1,000 pieces to our puzzle we will draw for a $300 pre-paid card!
If you would like to participate, you can use the PayPal button on the right side of the page or send your donation directly to us (in person or in the mail) - just make sure we have your contact information so we can inform you if you win a prize!
We know that God has called us to adopt and we know that He has called us specifically to this little boy. We are incredibly thankful for all of you who are being the hands and feet of Jesus by supporting our family. We know that the Father is using YOU to make a difference in the life of this child. YOU are declaring with us, "Little One, you are an orphan NO MORE!"
So who wants to put together a puzzle?!?!
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