November- Adoption Awareness Month

Hi!

It has been many weeks since I last posted and we have a few updates!  Our home study is in and everything has been submitted to Immigration.  In fact, we got our letters yesterday with our biometrics appointment date.  So in a week or so, we can go check one more thing off of the list.  :)  After our appointment, we will finish collecting our dossier documents and wait for our Immigration approval.  At that point, everything will be packaged up and sent to Little Man's country where it will be translated.  Then we wait to hear that the special committee has officially matched us with him!

It feels like we are SO much closer to him.  We are literally counting down in months- on ONE hand!  Our social worker said that April would be a realistic estimate for our first trip.  In some ways, it still feels like a lifetime away, but in other ways, we are SO CLOSE!

Life is going on as usual for us here.  I have noticed that the last few weeks have been pretty emotional for me.  I'm not sure if it is the upcoming holidays or what, but it seems like the longing for him to come home has been so very strong lately.  It is a literal, physical ACHE.  I don't know how to explain it any other way.  As I have been reading other adoption blogs, it seems like this is pretty normal for a mama walking through this.  I often joke that adoption hormones are so much stronger than pregnancy hormones.  I don't consider myself a very emotional person.  It usually takes a lot to make me cry, but my heart seems to be so very tender in this particular spot.

For example, I have an app on my phone that lets me see the weather in Little Man's town.  Right now, as he slumbers, the first winter snow is blanketing the ground outside his orphanage.  When I saw it, the tears just started flowing.  Why does he have to be so far away?  I have been hoping to get a little snow this year, so Baby Girl can play in it for the first time.  And I'm missing that opportunity with my son.  Will he get to play in the snow this year?  Is he warm enough?  Gosh, the emotions are completely overwhelming.

This Sunday, the youth were all sitting in a large circle before we started our lessons, and we were going around the circle to see what everyone wanted for Christmas.  I was praying the adults weren't going to have to participate for fear I would cry in the middle of the room--surely the desire of my heart has nothing to do with gifts this year.  It was the hubby's turn first and he said, "I really just want to pass Immigration so I can go get my son and bring him home."  For those of you who know him personally, you know he doesn't always reveal the depths of his heart so openly and bluntly like that very often.

What a journey the Father has taken us on this year!  He has changed our hearts completely, right before our eyes.  He has given us true understanding of what is eternal and what will pass away.  He has given us a PASSION for the fatherless and a desire to see them brought into a home.  He has broken us and caused us to find ourselves complete only in Him.  He has proven His faithfulness OVER and OVER.  I look at the little thermometer on the side of the page and see that we have $20,000 to come up with in the next few months.  I know that most of that must be paid by our first trip.  The countdown to meet Little Man is, in a way, also a countdown to our payment date. My first instinct is to panic, but how can I when He has PROMISED to go ahead of us?  He has provided everything so far.  He has used people to just overwhelm us with His love.   He has given me friends to walk through this journey with me.  Some who have or are adopting, and some who He has given supernatural insight so they understand my heart when I need it.  I have one precious friend who just stood in the hall and cried with me Sunday as I told her what I really wanted for Christmas.  

Oh Jesus, You are SO good to me.

Another surprise blessing is that we will be able to send a small gift to Little Man with a family traveling to his orphanage to pick up their son!  We are putting together a picture book so he can see his family and a small stuffed animal that we can record a simple message on.  Not only will he hear, maybe for the first time, that he is loved and wanted, but he will hear the precious name of JESUS. 

So that's where we are right now. 

Please continue to pray for:
~ Little Man - Physical healing, attachment to begin when he receives our box, safety, and health
~ Orphanage workers - that they may see the glory of the Lord in Little Man's story
~ Us - that we will have the endurance to finish the race and peace during the journey
~ Finances - that God will provide every penny we need at the right moment and that He would receive all the glory


I found this poem online and thought it was sweet:

Kisses in the Wind
(The Waiting Child's Lullaby)

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are...what's taking us so long
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night

--Pamela Durkota, written for Josh

We found the Missing Piece!

 

We have been waiting for the right time to kick off our BIG fundraiser for our adoption and we think we have landed on the perfect idea! 

As many of you know, the average international adoption costs $30,000.  Yes- that is a LOT of zeros!  We have saved and raised a small portion so far but we have a LOOONG way to go to bring our son home.  Now that we are committed to our Little Man, the payments are due in much larger amounts and much more quickly, so we are kicking off a fundraiser that will help bring him home, but also show him just how loved he was before he ever got on the plane!

This is how it works:

We have a 1,000 piece puzzle.  Here is what it looks like!


But I have raised you up for this very purpose,
that I might show you My power
and that My Name might be proclaimed in all the earth.
Exodus 9:16

 





When you donate $10 for a puzzle piece, we will write your name on the back of the piece.  At the end of the fundraiser, we will frame the puzzle in a double-sided frame, so that Little Man will always be able to look at the names of the people who helped bring him home!  What a lifelong blessing this will be to him and to our family!  Names of friends, family and strangers who loved him before they even knew him! 


Here is an example of what the back may look like!

But wait!  There's more! 

Each puzzle piece will put your name in a drawing for some awesome prizes!  We will draw for 4 pre-paid debit cards! 

Here's how that works:
1 puzzle piece ($10) = 1 entry into the drawing
2 puzzle pieces ($20) = 2 entries into the drawing
5 puzzle pieces ($50) = 5 entries into the drawing

There is no limit on how many entries you can have!

When we have 150 pieces to our puzzle we will draw for a $50 pre-paid card!
When we have 300 pieces to our puzzle we will draw for a $50 pre-paid card!
When we have 600 pieces to our puzzle we will draw for a $100 pre-paid card!
When we have 1,000 pieces to our puzzle we will draw for a $300 pre-paid card!


If you would like to participate, you can use the PayPal button on the right side of the page or send your donation directly to us (in person or in the mail) - just make sure we have your contact information so we can inform you if you win a prize! 

We know that God has called us to adopt and we know that He has called us specifically to this little boy.  We are incredibly thankful for all of you who are being the hands and feet of Jesus by supporting our family.  We know that the Father is using YOU to make a difference in the life of this child.  YOU are declaring with us, "Little One, you are an orphan NO MORE!"

So who wants to put together a puzzle?!?!

What's Next?

Now that we are officially committed to our son, we keep getting asked, "What's next?"  At this point we have Little Man "on hold" for us, which means that his country has agreed that they will not allow any other families to pursue him.  In the meantime, we have 6 months to have our dossier submitted to his country.  If  When we are approved, his country will send us an official referral for him (which we will of course accept!), and at that point we will be locked in as his potential parents until the adoption is finalized. 

So all of that means that we have to get through this paperwork as fast as possible!  Our home study has been sent to our agency for approval and as soon as that is finalized (hopefully in a month or so), we will begin the paperwork for our dossier.  

As for the day to day, life looks a lot like it usually does.  I spend my days chasing Baby Girl around the house and waiting for Daddy to come home from work.  The mental and emotional aspects are completely different though.  Adoption had completely preoccupied my thoughts before, but my mind is in overdrive now.  I bounce constantly between longing for him to be home and having to shut out the thoughts of fear. 
What if he is hungry?  Has anyone held him today?  Does he know his mommy and daddy are trying to get to him as fast as we can?  Does he know he is loved beyond words? Are his legs growing stronger?  What if he never walks?  What if God chooses not to heal him? 

I knew that responding to God's call is not always easy.  I knew that His calls always involve work and sacrifice.  I didn't expect this though.  I didn't expect it to be this hard.  My son is on the other side of the world.  I don't know if he has eaten today.  I don't know if he has had any human contact.  I don't know if he has had a clean diaper in the last 24 hours.  I don't know if all of his needs have been met.  And as much as I love him, I am not promised that he will ever come home to my arms.  Adoption is sticky.  There are the stories that families in the adoption community just fall to pieces over.  Children that become sick and die before ever knowing they have a family fighting to come to them.  Children who don't ever come home because of the technicalities in paperwork.   These are the thoughts that the enemy brings to my mind.  Every. Single. Day.

 I don't type all of this out so people will feel sorry for us.  In fact, I would rather people rejoice with us that God is visibly at work.  He is working in our lives and in this process, and we all get to be witnesses to the great things He is doing!  But in order to understand the magnitude of His majesty, you have to hear about the depths of the trenches we are kneeling in. 

All of these questions leave me with no choice but to trust.  I have to trust that God is with him.   I have to trust that his caregivers are loving on him and meeting his needs.  This journey has been all about God's faithfulness for us.  He has been so faithful to secure our trust in Him.  I know that each step I take is secure, because He has made all of the steps in the past secure.  I know that as He leads us into the unknown, He sees the future and is in control.  I know that I don't have the ability to walk this path alone, but y'all, He is so faithful.  He walks with me with every single step.

He has provided every single payment we have needed so far.  The money just shows up in the strangest ways.  (Which is actually what I have prayed for.  I don't want any of this process to ever bring glory to us or be anything we can boast in.  I figure the stranger the miracle, the harder it will be for me to ever look back and say, "I did that.")   Sometimes the money comes from people who just randomly hand us a check for the adoption, sometimes it comes through fundraisers, sometimes it comes from us pinching pennies and taking out of savings, and sometimes it comes from odd jobs that randomly appear for us.   Even though we are only 1/3 of the way through our payments and even though they will be due MUCH sooner since God led us to him so quickly in the process, I know that He will continue to provide.  So for those who have been praying or have answered His call to donate to our adoption through fundraisers or donation, THANK YOU!  You are a part of the miracle He is doing and You are taking part in Him revealing His majesty. 

Here are some things you can pray for:
~  Pray for his healing.  Healing of his hydrocephaly.  Healing from the results of his spina bifida. 
~  Pray for his caregivers to love him and meet each need.
~  Pray for God to continue to provide the finances and to make the path straight and smooth in front of us.
~  Pray for our faith to be strengthened, even when our Little Man feels like a lifetime away.

Hello My Name Is...

  What LOVE the Father has lavished upon us that we should be called His children!  And what a great honor to be able, in return, to pour out that love on a son!  We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).

   Everyone has been asking to hear the story, so here it is!  We saw his picture on a Friday, prayed and fell in love with him before we even saw his file on that Monday.  Some of his medical conditions were very scary so we had an adoption medical specialist look over his files.  Her news was not totally positive, but we knew that he was the one God had been preparing our hearts for.  From the first time we saw his picture to submitting commitment papers was exactly one week.  God confirmed over and over that he was the one for us.  He had been working in our hearts for the last two months about totally releasing all of our "specifications" on our medical needs list.  Ultimately, we would never have been matched with our son if we had not surrendered to His plan, as he didn't meet our "specifications" medically or age-wise.

    I think the biggest surprise of this part of the journey is the intensity of emotions that come with finding your child.  Here is an excerpt from my personal journal from two weeks ago to sum up some of those feelings.

                                                                                    ~

   "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion.  For the Lord is a God of Justice.  Blessed are all who wait on Him! ~ Isaiah 30:18

  The last 30 hours have been a complete roller coaster!  I didn't even get through his first video without weeping like a baby at him calling for 'mama.'  We should hear back from the international adoption doctor by this time tomorrow.  I think in my heart, I am already calling him mine, but I know my logical side must be satisfied with all the facts.  We know we must make the decision God chooses, not what we think is right.  We will meet with our pastor tomorrow in an attempt to find complete clarity.  Despite all the emotions, I sat down to listen to some worship music to quiet my heart.  I landed on "Came to My Rescue" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAMbEPZfWCY

) and was just ushered into the presence of Jesus.  Everything else faded away and all I could think was of everything He has done for me and how I wanted to share His story with this little boy.  I heard His familiar whisper as I prayed.

  - What about his medical issues?  Surely we aren't prepared to handle them.

  - I am the Healer.

 -  What about his age?  He is older than Baby Girl.

 -  I create families.  

 At this point I'm remembering that without God there is no concept of family.  He created it.  Who am I to tell Him how to put mine together?  I am feeling like a sheep who has been tapped with a Shepard's crook and nudged back in line.  Of course, I am ashamed at my disrespect and lack of trust until I hear His sweet voice again. 

  -  Oh, Beloved.  Follow Me. 

  I don't know if this answers our questions, but it fills me with such peace.  There is such an overwhelming satisfaction in simply being still and knowing that He is God.  What an amazing gift to be loved by Him.  Instead of agonizing over what we are supposed to do, I find myself excited to just see what He will do.  I do love this little boy and I desperately hope we make the right decisions.  If we became pregnant, there would be no room for doubt because God would have already given life. It is much harder to think you are responsible for making the right or wrong choice.  

  One thing I have found particularly interesting is that his birth mother and I were pregnant at the same time.  When I was pregnant and convinced God was bringing us a son, was I right?  Was He preparing me from the beginning?  This mother's heart has peace knowing that the Good and Perfect Father orchestrates all things according to His perfect plan.  

  Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'  Isaiah 30:21"

                                                                                 ~

 

  So with all of those fears laid to rest, we are thrilled to announce that Baby Girl is now a sister to a big brother!  He is 2 years old and we can't wait to bring him home.  Adoption has so many similarities to spiritual salvation, it is hard to not draw comparisons from there.  Just as the Father seeks us, brings us to His table and heals our brokenness, He also makes us a new creation.  And for our sweetie, a new life means a new name too.  For us, we couldn't see a greater way to express our love than to give him the name of his father.   What a precious thought to know he is fatherless no more!  His birth name is very special to us and will still be used in our house also.   However, for privacy reasons, we will not be posting either. 

We are hoping to travel to meet him sometime in early Spring, and hopefully we will all be home together by this time next year!

 So there you have it, folks! We are now the proud parents of two precious kiddos! 

Here are some specific prayer requests:

~ Pray for Little Man to develop strength in his trunk and legs.  He was born with spina bifida which has affected his development greatly.

~ Pray for his hydrocephaly to heal completely so he will no longer need a shunt.

~ Pray for God's glory to be shown to his caregivers.

~ Pray for our hearts to prepare for him and his heart to be prepared for us.

~ Pray for God to provide all of the funds necessary to complete his adoption without delays.  Our fees will be due much faster than we originally planned, since our timeline is much shorter, and we still have a loooong way to go on our fees.  But God has provided for every need so far and we have no doubt that He will continue to do so.

BIG NEWS!

We have a HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT!  That's right, this is THE announcement!

Yesterday we received word that we were officially committed to a child!

As most of you know, we were planning on going the referral route for this adoption, which meant a 2-5 year process.  If you have followed the blog, you know that last month, no matches were currently available and this lead to much heartache.  We continued to pray and felt that God was nudging us to trust Him even more with our checklist "selections".   So we increased our age range.  Still no match. 
At that point, I just decided to just rest in God's timing.  I knew that we couldn't rush what He had planned and knew that He would send us a match in His time, even if it wasn't what I wanted. 

Almost two weeks ago, I checked the waiting list (which is something I had not been keeping up with since we were praying for a match from our list).  One picture stopped me dead in my tracks.  I called the hubs immediately and told him I knew I wanted to pull a medical file.  He agreed without even seeing the picture.  Of course I missed our agency closing by about 3 minutes.  So we waited.  All.  Weekend. 

In hindsight this was best, because we were able to pray without the pressure of seeing everything in this sweet kiddo's file.  Our Pastor asked us on Sunday if there had been any progress in the adoption, to which the hubs replied, "Actually, we've been meaning to talk to you about something..." 

I called our social worker first thing Monday morning and she sent over the file.  I think despite all of the fear, we knew immediately this child was ours.  We prayed and laughed and cried over all of the information we had.  (Side note- if you ever plan on adoption for your family, just prepared that the words emotional roller coaster don't even begin to scratch the surface of this process.  Totally worth every minute though.)  We had an adoption medical specialist review the files and sat down with our Pastor that Wednesday.  We told him everything, all of our feelings, fears, and all of the ways God had confirmed what we were thinking.  He rejoiced with us as we surrendered to what we all knew was the Father's will.  I told him that I expected God to give us peace with the right decision, but I never expected the pure JOY that would come with knowing we were going to be the parents of this child.  The emotions are simply overwhelming. 

The next step was to sign what are called "commitment papers", which basically tell our kiddo's country that we want to commit to this child and to please match us with him/her while we finish our paperwork. We were told it would take 1-2 weeks to hear back.  We heard back 3 business days later.  The morning of our wedding anniversary, we received the best call from our social worker:  We were matched! 

So now we are a family of 4!  There is a precious kiddo waiting for us on the other side of the world, and we can't wait to get there!  We were told that a good estimate of our first trip would be around March.  So hopefully by this spring, we will be together for a week and a few months later we will all be together at HOME!

We have not told family and friends the gender and specifics about our kiddo yet.  We are planning on having a reveal party this weekend so everyone can see this sweet face together! 

So there you have it, folks!  There will be more stories to tell in the coming weeks.  This is such a condensed story, you won't even believe all of the things God has done in this process!  After all of the details are revealed, I hope to type some of it out.  Our Father is perfect and has orchestrated this adoption from the beginning, long before we started this adoption journey.  I still have a hard time believing how many intricate pieces of this puzzle He has been putting together for YEARS.  Y'all HE  IS  GOOD.  He is so good.

Peace

Whew! This month has been a roller coaster for us.  We have had some very exciting adoption moments where we clearly saw God move and we have also had some discouragement.  People don't always have the kindest things to say to us about adoption and the process itself isn't always easy.  We held our breath as we prayed relentlessly that the Father would match us with our child in this short window of time (see previous posts).  I got the email from our social worker about a week ago.  They couldn't find a child currently on the waiting list that would be a match for our family.  Then today, adoptive families in our program were informed that the protests against the government are causing some delays in adoptions.   Fortunately, none of the families we are connected to will be affected because they are already at a certain point in their processes.  (Basically, families whose dossiers are in country and waiting for a referral are stuck because few to no meetings are able to take place with all of the unrest.)  While we aren't at that point in the process yet, we are rapidly approaching it.  I have no idea what this will mean for us in the next few months as our dossier is submitted.

I certainly don't mean to complain, but I do think it is only fair to explain all aspects of this journey.  It is not all sunshine and roses and painting the nursery.  As much as we know our Perfect Father is still intimately involved on this journey with us, it does not guarantee that the journey will be easy.  There have been many tears shed this month.  The ache in my arms to scoop up our child grows with intensity every day.  To put it in perspective, a pregnancy typically lasts 9 months.  If you look at the time we decided to grow our family, my "due date" is now.  But instead, our timeline is still measured in YEARS.

Despite the discouragement, we are thankful to serve a SOVEREIGN Lord.  When He spoke to us almost a year ago, He already knew how my heart would shatter with that disappointing email.  He already knew what today would look like.  He already knows when we will have a match and when we will bring our kiddo home. 

Today has been a day of quiet reflection on what I want my heart to be.  The groaning in my chest is just a reminder of who I have prayed to become.  While we are stretching to the point of breaking, we remember this is how He molds us into who He is calling us to be.   I have been replaying favorite worship songs to remind me of those prayers and to remind me that this process doesn't just provide a home for our child, but it GROWS me too. 

"I want to live with abandon.  Give You all that I am. Every part of my heart, Jesus, I place in Your hands." 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SJR2vdJFXw

"Am I proof that You are who you say You are?  That grace can really change our heart? Do I live like Your love is true? People pass And even if they don't know my name Is there evidence that I've been changed? When they see me, do they see You?
I want to live like that And give it all I have So that everything I say and do Points to You.
If love is who I am Then this is where I'll stand Recklessly abandoned Never holding back.
I want to live like that"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfosSggwQS0

"I'm giving You fear and You give faith.  I'm giving You doubt and You give me grace.  For every step I've never been alone.  Even when it hurts You'll have your way.  Even in the valley I will say, with every breath, You've never let me go.   I will wait for You.  You've NEVER failed before.  I will wait for You. 
If there's a road I should walk, help me find it.  If I need to be still, give me peace for the moment.  WHATEVER Your will.  Whatever Your will.  Can You help me find it?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsjZ94K7UQs

So today, I pray for peace. 
Peace for the people of our child's country.
Peace for my husband, that he would have rest in this journey.
And I pray for peace for this mama's heart, even in its most unsteady moments. 
Peace, Lord Jesus, Peace.

A coincidence?

We went for our physicals and blood work today.  When our agency and home study agent told us we would need physicals they said, "Oh, just get your family doctor to check you out and fill out this form."  No big deal.  ...if you already have a family doctor. 

So off we searched for a doctor.  We aren't sick very often so we haven't really needed a doctor in the last few years.  After a few phone calls, the hubs got us an appointment.   I have been a little nervous about this whole thing.  What if they find something crazy and we don't pass?  So I've been praying this week that God would work it all out.  

Check in: no co-pay this time! Surprise #1!

The nurse takes our vitals - both are perfect.  Whew!  So far so good!

Then she sends us off to the little room.  Of course the office is decorated with things from our alma mater (AKA -the best university on the planet)!   We smiled at each other because we know God is working in this and laugh because the hubs is even wearing his school polo to match!

The doctor comes in.  He is super friendly and I start explaining the forms for the home study and forms for the dossier.  He takes them out of my hand and says, "Oh, I know all about these.  We just finished ours a few months ago.  We are adopting from China."

Seriously?  Mouth wide open.  Again.  I've got to work on a better surprised face.  But really, could God validate this process for us anymore?  He continues to surprise us with each step. 

So we get to swap stories with the doctor and share experiences.  It turns out that they are also a part of our local support group for adoptive families.  Go figure!

He sends us off to the lab to get our blood work done.  We are signing in and I mention to the lady that we are getting all of this done for an adoption.  She says, "Oh that's wonderful!  I was adopted!"

Nothing like a little faith booster to steady my heart. 




I don't know about you, but this just validates to me just how much the Father is involved in our lives.  I don't think "stumbling across" this doctor was a coincidence.  I don't think that we "just happened" to sit across from that specific lady at the lab.   I think He is intimately involved in this entire process, but even more than that, He is involved in every aspect of my life.  And not just my life, but yours too. 

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”  Deuteronomy 31:8