What's Next?

Now that we are officially committed to our son, we keep getting asked, "What's next?"  At this point we have Little Man "on hold" for us, which means that his country has agreed that they will not allow any other families to pursue him.  In the meantime, we have 6 months to have our dossier submitted to his country.  If  When we are approved, his country will send us an official referral for him (which we will of course accept!), and at that point we will be locked in as his potential parents until the adoption is finalized. 

So all of that means that we have to get through this paperwork as fast as possible!  Our home study has been sent to our agency for approval and as soon as that is finalized (hopefully in a month or so), we will begin the paperwork for our dossier.  

As for the day to day, life looks a lot like it usually does.  I spend my days chasing Baby Girl around the house and waiting for Daddy to come home from work.  The mental and emotional aspects are completely different though.  Adoption had completely preoccupied my thoughts before, but my mind is in overdrive now.  I bounce constantly between longing for him to be home and having to shut out the thoughts of fear. 
What if he is hungry?  Has anyone held him today?  Does he know his mommy and daddy are trying to get to him as fast as we can?  Does he know he is loved beyond words? Are his legs growing stronger?  What if he never walks?  What if God chooses not to heal him? 

I knew that responding to God's call is not always easy.  I knew that His calls always involve work and sacrifice.  I didn't expect this though.  I didn't expect it to be this hard.  My son is on the other side of the world.  I don't know if he has eaten today.  I don't know if he has had any human contact.  I don't know if he has had a clean diaper in the last 24 hours.  I don't know if all of his needs have been met.  And as much as I love him, I am not promised that he will ever come home to my arms.  Adoption is sticky.  There are the stories that families in the adoption community just fall to pieces over.  Children that become sick and die before ever knowing they have a family fighting to come to them.  Children who don't ever come home because of the technicalities in paperwork.   These are the thoughts that the enemy brings to my mind.  Every. Single. Day.

 I don't type all of this out so people will feel sorry for us.  In fact, I would rather people rejoice with us that God is visibly at work.  He is working in our lives and in this process, and we all get to be witnesses to the great things He is doing!  But in order to understand the magnitude of His majesty, you have to hear about the depths of the trenches we are kneeling in. 

All of these questions leave me with no choice but to trust.  I have to trust that God is with him.   I have to trust that his caregivers are loving on him and meeting his needs.  This journey has been all about God's faithfulness for us.  He has been so faithful to secure our trust in Him.  I know that each step I take is secure, because He has made all of the steps in the past secure.  I know that as He leads us into the unknown, He sees the future and is in control.  I know that I don't have the ability to walk this path alone, but y'all, He is so faithful.  He walks with me with every single step.

He has provided every single payment we have needed so far.  The money just shows up in the strangest ways.  (Which is actually what I have prayed for.  I don't want any of this process to ever bring glory to us or be anything we can boast in.  I figure the stranger the miracle, the harder it will be for me to ever look back and say, "I did that.")   Sometimes the money comes from people who just randomly hand us a check for the adoption, sometimes it comes through fundraisers, sometimes it comes from us pinching pennies and taking out of savings, and sometimes it comes from odd jobs that randomly appear for us.   Even though we are only 1/3 of the way through our payments and even though they will be due MUCH sooner since God led us to him so quickly in the process, I know that He will continue to provide.  So for those who have been praying or have answered His call to donate to our adoption through fundraisers or donation, THANK YOU!  You are a part of the miracle He is doing and You are taking part in Him revealing His majesty. 

Here are some things you can pray for:
~  Pray for his healing.  Healing of his hydrocephaly.  Healing from the results of his spina bifida. 
~  Pray for his caregivers to love him and meet each need.
~  Pray for God to continue to provide the finances and to make the path straight and smooth in front of us.
~  Pray for our faith to be strengthened, even when our Little Man feels like a lifetime away.