A little over a week ago, we got the best email yet. We have Little Man's verbal referral! This means that our dossier made it to the big council meeting that matches orphans with families, and we were officially paired with him! One step closer to legally sharing a last name! I think all adoptive mama's have the "major" milestones in the process that they look forward to- the referral has always been mine. ...And passing court- that's coming soon though!
So what's next? We have his verbal referral, but we are still waiting on his written referral. The written referral is the paperwork side of being matched with him. We are hoping it comes with some pictures! We are also hoping for more medical and social updates, but really I just want to look into his little eyes again. :) Most families receive the written referral 2-4 weeks after verbal. So we are expecting it any day now. Also, with the written referral comes the adoption agency's (the agency in his country, not our's here) invitation to travel. Sooooo...we should hear any day now when we can board the plane! Exciting stuff!!!!
Adoption has taught me so many lessons. I don't even have enough paper to write down everything God has shown me in the last year and a half. I feel like a completely different person, and I'm so grateful that God allowed us to pursue adoption. I don't think I could have ever understood Him the way I do now without this process. And now I see a lot of areas that I fall WAY short. I have so much more to learn. The Father definitely used this experience to draw me closer to Him, but also to show me just how far my heart can be from Him and how much I desperately need Him. I thought it would be fun to draw up a little list of things I've learned- some about myself, some about life in general and some things that make me giggle. (In no particular order.)
1- I am in many ways much stronger than I thought I was, and at the same time significantly more tender than I thought. Adoption is HARD, but thankfully, His power is made perfect in my weakness.
2- It is possible for the human mind to be preoccupied with 80,000 things at one time. Of course, all women know this to be true, but it definitely becomes evident in adoption.
3- You can be completely in love with someone you've never met.
4- Jesus is Lord of everything. Absolutely everything is under His power. Even $30,000+ in adoption fees. Every cell in the broken body of a little boy on the other side of the world. Nothing is impossible for Him.
5- His grace is enough for me.
6- If I think I have mastered an area in my spiritual life, I'd better be on guard. Chances are, it's not as under control as I thought. Adoption has brought multiple circumstances to light that prove this to be true. And I struggle in more areas than I'd like to admit.
7- It is possible to experience every single human emotion. In one day. Multiple times.
8- Forgiveness is really hard.
9- You can become obsessed with checking your email and rationalize it by thinking, "Well maybe the agency has news, even though I was told it would be days/weeks from now." Or "It is ___ time in Little Man's country. Maybe the social worker is up forwarding emails to me at 3 am our time."
There must be a name for this condition. It's a problem. Really.
10- It is also possible to be so excited at the thought of meeting your child that you think you will jump out of your skin, and yet in such physical pain at the realization of being so far away that you can't breathe.
11- God is big enough to handle my fears of the unknown. And more than that, He promises to bind Himself to me so we can plow ahead together. The burden is much lighter when you share it with Someone who has such strong shoulders.
12- Acquiring wealth is not as important as I once thought. As it turns out, I think God would much rather we spend our time and money on loving others than storing up more than we know what to do with. There will always be bigger houses and cars, but people ALWAYS matter more. We spend a lot of our time dreaming about the future, but people are cold, hungry and abandoned right NOW. Our lives really do bear witness to whether we value human souls or belongings more.
13- God can use all kinds of things to draw people to Himself. And He's always waiting with open arms.
14- Knowing that your time of being a family of 3 has an upcoming expiration date is exciting and motivation to make sure those relationships are unshakable.
15- No matter what I'm doing, I'm consciously thinking about my little boy. And missing him more than I can say.
Well I guess that about sums up this post of random thoughts. :) More details will come when we hear something!
I'll leave you with this song. It has always been a favorite, but now I can't help but think of what I would say if Little Man and I were face to face.
"Three in the morning, and I'm still awake
So I pick up a pen and a page
And I started writing just what I'd say
If we were face to face
I'd tell you just what you mean to me
Tell you these simple truths
Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got His hand on you
So don't live life in fear"
...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t9u-LOa3OI
